John-Furie-Zacharias

I'm starting right where I left things in July 2011.

The key is not to stuff down your feelings, or to avoid your anger, your fears, your sorrow. People who want you to believe this are just full of crap. The real deal is to manage to use this emotional fuel to move forward - to turn it into a force, so powerful, so devastating but you and only you have the entire ability to handle it. Once you get there, there's no turning back.

And this is where I am. I'm feeding upon my grief, upon my joys, upon my wrath.

My creativity is my soul.



Next month, I'm getting my first tattoo.

Everything is just going wrong.


I can't find my iPod (a old gift from my mother), and I'll be broke at the end of the month (oh, well, probably long before). Nobody is helping me at work, and my supervisor is sick - I'm hoping he'll be fine soon, but I'm so pessimist lately, that I highly doubt so.


I asked him if he still loves me, and the only answer I get was a bunch of insults. So much for the romance. I should have see this coming. After all, he proposed me when we were dating online, after a few months. Of course, he didn't want to speak about it when he came here.

What was I expecting ? He couldn't find a job here, he had to stay at my home because he didn't know anybody here. Why would he suddenly tell me then that he didn't love me anymore ? He was a prisoner. Now that he's finally free, I suppose that all I will get is his despise.
The most hurtful part is probably the way he proposed to give me money. As he has to pay something off for all I spent when he was here. As if I did that on purposed. Why can't he understand that my only motives were love ? I never expected something in exchange. Never.


I know I should send him back all the things he couldn't take with him when he moved. His manga, his CD. I just realize that he probably took back the ring he offered me. Oh God...


I won't make photos again, I know it. I'm really thinking about selling my F80. It's a beautiful camera, and it made me happy when I used it. It's killing me to know that it will decay here, unused. My fridge is still full of films. But each time I think of make shots, I think of him.


I want to die. And the only thing that is refraining me to committing suicide is knowing that consequences will be awful if I fail to. I don't want to be a burden for my mother because I try and stay crippled. So I'm here, trying to fight the urge. Listening to 'Anna Molly' www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6dVrA… again and again and again.
I won't get help. I don't want to hear all those stupid sentences you get when you're dumped. He's not an asshole, nope. No one can remplace him in my heart. Fucking with the first guy I met isn't a solution to feel better.


I found once my soulmate, and he loved me back. Until now. I'm an anomaly to this system, seeking for termination.


A cloud hangs over,
And mutes my happiness,
A thousand ships couldn't sail me back from distress,
Wish you were here,
I'm a wounded satellite,
I need you now put me back together make me right

I picture your face in the back of my eyes a fire in the attic a proof of the prize,
Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly, Anna-Molly,
I'm calling your name up into the air.
Not one of the others could ever compare!

I screwed everything up. So badly I can't even look at myself anymore.

He's gone and my heart with him. He won't even talk to me again.

And I just want to die. Do you know this urge ? This sensation that rushes through your body, screaming at your ear that you need to disappear. I want to die, right now, to stop thinking at the mess I created. I want to hurt myself, to transform this excruciating pain that slowly kills in something I can almost control. My skin is itching, deep, deep underneath.

I lost him. Because I'm stupid, because I can't handle the pressure at work, because I'm too proud to admit it.

I'm a stupid girl. That doesn't deserve his love. That doesn't deserve to live.

Give me the courage to do it. Give me the strength.

I wouldn't say that I was really loving this camera (there were still things that was bugging me continuously when I was using it), but it remains a gift from my boyfriend, and a wonderful way to learn photography.

I haven't the slightest clue on what happened. We were at the hotel, having coming back from a rainy day, without even getting the cam out of its padded bag. I removed the battery, then the lens, and when I handed it to my boyfriend, we heard both a sharp crack from the inside of it. From then, we haven't been able to turn it on again.


It's still guaranteed, so we took it back to the shop. But I'm wandering if Nikon is still a good brand...

I know it's just gonna add some more pageviews, some more comments, but beat me. Come on dA, your moderators are so incredibly incompetent.



Here's the first link: britinho.deviantart.com/art/Fr…

Pretexting to stir open a debate, here's the last loophole deviants has found to raise popularity. Yes, there's no oral contact with the genitals - just like this one: lightwerks.deviantart.com/art/… . So it seems for the moderator who reviewed to put a mature tag on it, that it's not porn. Yeah, a MODERATOR HAS SEEN THIS PICTURE, and has JUST PUT A MATURE TAG ON IT.

Come on, dA admin, when are you gonna stop the users from exploiting loopholes in your f**king rules? Are you going to ban again a bunch of users who raised the question, without even modifying those FAQ?

This deviation has been here since October 19. Looking at the comments, you can see that this has been reported many times. Still not taken down. Moderators don't seem to make their work properly anymore.



Just like those:

www.livinghorus.deviantart.com… EXPLICIT PORN, with outgoing link towards an uncensored version - reported since August of this year.
josjac.deviantart.com/art/Gent… - EXPLICIT PORN reported more than a month ago
patriciasouza5239.deviantart.c… ART THIEF, reported a month ago, through the Help desk and the report button - still no answer, even if she's SELLING STOLEN ART.



And tell me, why all this is allowed on a website that claimed not doing porn?

komturh.deviantart.com/art/bc-…
komturh.deviantart.com/art/nai…
nikweb.deviantart.com/art/Mari…
komturh.deviantart.com/art/c-1…
josjac.deviantart.com/art/Gent… - reported more than a month ago

FAQ#565: "Hands should not come into contact with genitalia in a manner which is clearly a display of fondling or masturbation."



komturh.deviantart.com/art/CD-…
kaliyuga.deviantart.com/art/th…

FAQ#565: "Adult oriented (sexual) toys.
"Adult toys" consisting of dildos, strap-ons, vibrators, etc. are not allowed." But, yeah, a CD is not a sex toy. So it's allowed!
Strangely enough, COCK RINGS aren't sex toys...



le-passion.deviantart.com/art/…
le-passion.deviantart.com/art/… - is the title not EXPLICIT enough? 'Fingered to orgasm', meh, they're probably faking it, hu?
geheimnisbild.deviantart.com/a… - reported a month ago
radioactive107.deviantart.com/… - reported
adrian272727.deviantart.com/ar… - reported
phorus69.deviantart.com/art/st… - reported

FAQ#565: "• Sexual Intercourse.
Subjects should not be depicted in a clear display of sexual intercourse." Well, they could be faking it. So we don't know. So it's allowed!



luisdeburg.deviantart.com/art/…
futurewars.deviantart.com/art/… - of course it's not erected, of course... LIAR
otoupeirax.deviantart.com/art/… - of course it's not erected, of course... LIAR
futurewars.deviantart.com/art/… - of course it's not erected. Then tell me, how did you manage to hold your d*ck AND take a pic of it, at the same place?
jemiro.deviantart.com/art/16-1… - did you paint it too, or it is a natural color for a d*ck?

FAQ#565: "• Erections.
There should be no use of imagery depicting a male erection, however there may be exceptions granted to illustrations created for legitimate medical or educational purposes." So I suppose that all this previous sh*t is just for educational purpose. Thanks a lot, dA, I won't die stupid.



fav.me/d31hkt2
dne44.deviantart.com/art/A-Tas…

FAQ#565: "• Sexual Intercourse.
[...]some depictions of oral to breast contact might qualify under this guideline"



It's so easy to find this kind of pictures in 5 minutes, you just have to look as this group: #ARTofORGASM



Clap, clap, clap, dA admins, I hope you're proud of your site.